ミラさんはわるいひとです。
ミラさんは
ビールとさけを
のみました
“わたしが
だいすきですか“
リンさんちょっと
“チュをあげ”
チュあげません！
わたしきれい
In the first two senryu, I used katakana in order to address someone with a foreign, non-Japanses name. In the last one, I used katakana in order to express the onomotapoeia, チュ(chu), which describes a kiss.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
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6 Response to A Series of Senryu
Hi Johnsan,
You really did a great job of complying to the senryu 5-7-5 form (which I did not do).
It would be great if you could plug in the translation for your works, there were several words I was not familiar with. I would love to read them again, and I will check back in a few days.
Your use of チュ was fantastic.
I really enjoyed that piece. Very sassy. I imagine it should conjure up the image of someone quite self-absorbed. Is that right, or am I dead wrong?
がんばりましたね。
I like the underlying tone of your piece. so cute.
anyhow, Miller-san is ミラーさん、which is 5 syllables so maybe you can erase the particle は. Also, you might want to consider changing Sake to something else, because SAKE in Japanese may mean "Alcoholic drinks" in general, which includes Beer.
some questions:
1. are these three Senryu's all related? so are they all done by Miller-san?
2. the second one does not go 5-7-5. is it meant to be a part of senryu, or a narrating part to connect the two senryu?
3. what do you mean by "チュをあげ"? did you mean チューをしてくれ？
4. what did you mean by the last line? who's saying that?
FYI:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senry%C5%AB
ジョンさん、
こんにちは！
すみませんでした。。。
I thought グレグさん、Jeneeさん and me are in the same group...
じゃ、いまコメントをします！
I really like your series of senryu！
So funny~
But I am little bit confused about “チュをあげ”
じゃ、また。
ああ、Forgot to mention
とりたべましたよ！
フフ、おうしいでした！
ジョンさんもがんばでください！
わたしのせんりゅうとちょつとちがいますね。とてもRomanticですよ。
you've carefully and sensitively carried the romantic emotion in your senryu. Impressed!
Ken
ジョンさんの せんりゅ が たのしです。
Your senryu were very creative and I thoroughly enjoyed reading them.
1番の川柳はおもしろいですね。ミラさんは素晴らしいですね。ビールとお酒をいっしょにのみますよ。
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